


All-Natural I promise

by Dorktapus42



Series: All-Natural [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Demon Patton, Everyone's Supernatural and shit, Human!AU Sorta, Kitsune Roman, Mer-dude Logan, Other, Poltergeist Deceit, Vampire Virgil, Zombie Thomas, this is gonna be fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 16:48:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16201631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorktapus42/pseuds/Dorktapus42
Summary: And they were roommates.(Oh my god they were roommates.)Supernatural Human!AU (I guess that's as good of a name as it's gonna get.)I hope you enjoy!





	1. Virgil

**Author's Note:**

> This style is different from a lot of stuff I do but I kinda wanted to mix it up a bit so sorry if you don't like it! It really kinda needed to be a list format to me. Dunno why. Anywayyyy I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!

  * Started out as roommates- Virgil arrives after sunset but nobody questions it.
  * Says he works online- blogger
  * Secret is kept for weeks until…



 

The Reveal

  * Virgil’s been there a month or two and Patton opens the windows to let in some light and wake him up. 
  * Fortunately he’s half awake at this point because of his crazy sleeping schedule and is under the bed in less than a second. 
  * A faint hiss comes from under the bed as Virgil fully wakes up. 
  * Patton laughs and goes to leave the room.
  * “Can you pull the curtains closed please Pat?”
  * He still hasn’t emerged from the bed. 
  * “Kiddo, you need to get some light in here! It’s starting to look like a cave!” His roommate chuckles, reaching for the handle. 
  * “No, Pat- wait. Please? I’ll come out and tell you why after, okay? I promise.”
  * Patton thinks for a minute, then pulls the heavy blackout curtains back into place. 
  * Virgil’s pale hand reaches up, as if to test the air for the lack of sunlight. There’s a sigh of relief and the man pops up to sit on the edge of the bed. 
  * Patton sit on the other side. 
  * “What’s up kiddo? You never seem to have any light in here. Are you sick? Do you have a migraine?”
  * Virgil just shakes his head, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 
  * “I’m allergic to the sun.”
  * Patton chuckled a few times before realizing he was serious. “Really? That’s a real thing?”
  * He immediately runs out of the room to ask Logan. Roman is sitting in an armchair reading. 
  * “Hey Lo, can people be allergic to the sun?”
  * The logical one looks up from the book he is reading. “There have been scientific cases where people have been allergic to sunlight, yes. Why do you ask?”
  * “Well, Virgil just told me that he’s allergic to the sun.”
  * “Mr. Gloomy Gus? Allergic to the sun? I’ll add that to the list of evidence suggesting he’s a vampire.” Roman said jokingly.
  * “A vampire!” Patton clapped his hands together in excitement. “Oh, I didn’t even think about that! We could be roomates with a vampire!”
  * Logan held out his hands. “There is no scientific evidence-”
  * “You guys talking about me?” Virgil poked his head out from behind the hallway corner. Patton ran over to pull the drapes. 
  * “Thanks Pat.” He sat down on the far end of the couch. Patton ran back and sat between them. 
  * “So Padre here said you’re allergic to the sun?”
  * Virgil shrank into himself. “I mean- I won’t deny it. What is this, a court trial?”
  * “Perhaps.” Logan crossed the room and pulled the drapes open before Patton could get up and stop him.
  * There was a flash of movement as Virgil vaulted over the back of the couch with super-human speed. There was an odd smell that hung in the air. 
  * “LOGAN!”
  * “Oh my gosh- are you okay Virgil?”
  * A muffled voice came out from behind the couch. “I wouldn’t call a singed forearm okay, but whatever floats your boat.”
  * Logan pulled the drapes closed as Patton ran around the couch. 
  * “Oh my gosh your arm! Lo-”
  * “Everyone calm down! It’s not that bad!”
  * “Virgil, your arm!”
  * Virgil put his uninjured hand up to test the waters and popped up. Logan gaped at him. 
  * “Virgil, your ARM-”
  * It was a nasty red- the skin was blistered and peeling. 
  * “It’s really not-”
  * “Let me call-” 
  * Virgil smacked the phone out of his roommate’s hand. Roman cradled his arm. 
  * “WHAT THE HECK VIRGE?! THAT HURT!”
  * He shrugged and grabbed one of the blankets to wrap around his arm. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. It’ll be fine in a few days-” He clamped his hand over his mouth as if to stop the words coming out but it was too late. 
  * “A FEW DAYS?! What kind of healing factor-” 
  * “I’m surrounded by superheroes!”
  * “No, guys-” Virgil was starting to panic.
  * “SO I WAS RIGHT! You ARE a Vampire!” Roman pointed at Virgil. 
  * His roommate’s eyes widened and he was gone in a flash back to his room. They heard the door slam and the lock click. 
  * Patton leveled a glare at Roman. “Now kiddo-”
  * Roman cringed as Logan grabbed a notebook and began to furiously write. 
  * Odd music blasted from Virgil’s room- nothing anybody recognized. Was it even English?
  * Logan clapped his hands over his ears. Patton and Roman started talking loudly. 
  * “EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!” 
  * There was nothing but the sound of Virgil’s music, which had even turned down a bit at Logan’s outburst. 
  * “Okay. Let’s approach this logically. Virgil, if you’re listening, no, we don’t hate you or think you’re a monster. No, I am not just saying that. Shoot, we all have something, even if some of us have thing’s more extreme than others. When you feel ready to talk we can talk. For now, I am going to read in peace.”
  * Logan went to his room. Patton and Roman looked at each other in shock. 
  * Inner thoughts: HE KNOWS!
  * They all ran to their rooms and slammed the doors to think in silence. A ghostly face came up from the basement. A gloved hand and arm came up.
  * *Well isn’t this enjoyable.* With a flick of his fingers all of the picture frames in the hall tilted, and with a sinister smile he disappeared back into the basement. 



  
  



	2. Logan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just figured I should post all of this at once. Might come back to it later...

 

  * Patton and Roman were filling the pool in the back with water. Virgil waved from his shaded spot on the patio, the massive hat on his head flopping down in front of his face. 
  * Logan looked out the sliding door in disdain. 
  * “COME ON LOGAN! HAVE SOME FUN!”
  * Logan shook his head, but came out to sit on the furniture to read. 
  * “Come on kiddo, it’s not nearly as fun with only two people!”
  * Logan looked up. “In the entire two years I have known you Patton, have you known me to be a swimmer?”
  * “No, I knew you as a Logan!” Amidst the groan he smiled sweetly. “Come on Lo! Have some fun!”
  * “Live a little Teach!”
  * “No.” He joined Virgil under the umbrella. Virgil nodded a greeting and went back to scrolling on his phone. 
  * “I take it that vampires are not allergic to blue light?”
  * “That would make beating you at MarioKart an impossible thing. While I do defy the rules of physics from time to time, I think I would notice it while beating you guys into the ground.”
  * “BURN!”
  * “NOT GONNA HAPPEN PRINCEY! ADMIT YOUR DEFEAT!” 
  * “Now kiddos, play nice!”
  * They went back to filling up the pool and reading. 
  * Logan and Virgil relaxed while Roman and Patton splashed in the pool. 
  * Eventually after an hour of playing around, Roman and Patton came over. Before Logan could do more than shout they grabbed his chair and threw him into the pool. 
  * “PATTON! ROMAN! GET ME OUT OF THIS INSUFFERABLE CONTRAPTION!” They all burst out laughing at the red splotches of anger that broke out on their friend’s face. 
  * Roman and Patton jumped in with the man scrambling to get out, face fearful as he tried to get out. Roman pulled him back. 
  * “NO! LET ME OUT, I MEAN IT!” He was starting to get hysterical. Virgil eyed the three of them. 
  * “Oh, don’t be such a spoilsport!” They leapt out of the pool with a practiced ease, enjoying the show.
  * Logan writhed in the pool for a few more seconds before he suddenly stopped moving and dove to the bottom, ripping off his necktie and loosening his shirt. 
  * “Lo? Lo, what’s-” 
  * They gasped. Virgil grabbed his umbrella and dodged out as much as he dared. “What? What’s-”
  * Logan glared at him hotly as he lay at the bottom of the pool. His expression read: Happy now? 
  * Patton gleefully cheered. Roman just stood agape at the marvelous lower half of his friend. 
  * “YOU HAVE A TAIL?!”
  * Logan flipped them off, the expression on his face murderous. 
  * Virgil chuckled. “What are the odds of a vampire and a merman chilling in the same house?”
  * Logan surfaced. “I hate you all.”
  * “Aww, you know you love us! Shut up!”
  * “No, hate isn’t quite the correct word. I immensely despise your actions, but not you as a person. What if I couldn’t swim? That was incredibly-”
  * “Aww come on Mermando! That tail looks fabulous! That blue really brings out your eyes!”
  * Logan groaned and heaved himself out of the water, his legs soon changing back to their former slacked selves. Shoot- even his shoes reappeared. Even if the man was now dripping wet, wasn’t that impressive all the same?
  * Logan sloshed inside to change. Virgil followed to finally rid himself of the ridiculous sun hat.
  * It had been an interesting day. 




	3. Patton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably should have mentioned these vary quite a bit in length. Ah well.   
> Jeeze this is really short.

  * Patton was sneaking out of his room for some chocolate. He really loved some chocolate- ah crap, that was the ceiling. Damn- he’d have to put something on that before the others woke up. He opened the cupboard and rifled for the Hershey’s Kisses he’d put in there somewhere.
  * He turned around as he heard a cup clatter to the ground. He had totally forgotten about Virgil.
  * Patton crouched awkwardly.
  * “Uh, which one are you?”
  * He waved and tried to speak. _“Kiddo! I didn’t-”_ He stopped at the look of confusion turned awe on the vampire’s face. Crap, he’d spoken in demonic latin.
  * “Patton? You’re a higher demon? I haven’t met any of your kind in what, a century? What kind- no, when- no… look, I know this might be a sensitive subject-”
  * Wait, he knew demonic latin? That language had faded out hundreds of years ago- three, four- he had no idea.
  * _“No, no, it’s fine! I’m just surprised-”_
  * “What’s going on in here?” Patton looked up so fast he almost put a hole in the ceiling.
  * “Uh, well, you see-”
  * “IS THAT A DEMON?! GUYS-!”
  * Logan shuffled out of his room yawning. He froze as he saw the demon and jumped back about a foot with a yelp.
  * “Hey Logan, where’s Pat-” Roman trailed off as he realized who he was talking to. “PATTON?!”
  * _Hey kiddo’s- aw crap they can’t speak demonic latin can they?”_
  * “Sorry Pat. Uh guys, there’s kind of a language barrier-”
  * “Virgil, you can understand that? It’s just a bunch of growling…”
  * “Yeah, it’s demonic latin- I picked it up from a guy about a hundred or so years ago? He was what I thought was the last of his kind that wasn’t in Hell.”
  * _Hell’s not that bad- why do I even bother talking?”_
  * It’s safe to mention none of them went back to sleep until Patton went back to his human form at daybreak.




	4. Romano

 

  * Roman was missing from dinner. He hadn’t been seen all day either. Virgil was just considering breaking into his room. 
  * “ROMAN! DINNER!”
  * No answer. Patton was about to put the extra plate back when-
  * A fox with multiple tails streaked into the room and sat in Roman’s usual chair, trying to sit up as straight as possible and eying the two of them already sitting at the table with a ‘try me’ look. 
  * Virgil burst out laughing while Logan and Patton were gobsmacked. 
  * “You’re a… heh… you’re a kitsune? I thought-”
  * “Yeah, yeah, everyone sees a kitsune and thinks, ‘oh I thought there were only female kitsune!’ well you’re wrong! Any fox can be a kitsune with a little magic- STOP LAUGHING OKAY?!”
  * “No, it’s just- you only have three tails? I thought they had nine?”
  * “Only the most powerful ones have nine…” Roman looked uncomfortable as he lay his snout on his paws. 
  * “Okay… is there any way you can get more tails?”
  * “Every 100 years you live you get another tail unless you do something badass… now please stop talking about it. I’ll go back to normal in a few days….”
  * They dropped the subject and tried to eat silently. 
  * The next day Roman came out of his room as usual in human form. They didn’t discuss it for a few days, but there was a noticeable bond between Patton and Roman as the two demons grew closer. 
  * Logan and Virgil just recommended music to each other and secretly milked each other for information about their species.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was even shorter than Patton's. 
> 
> Anyway... kitsune are really interesting! I honestly just used Wikipedia, which I know isn't the greatest site but it had some good information. 
> 
> Here's a link if you want more information! I wanted to use some that weren't all that commonplace.   
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitsune


	5. DECEIT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not ashamed to admit that I based him kind of off Peeves from Harry Potter. Ah well. Hope you enjoy!

  * Deceit was hanging in his usual place under the floorboard until something made him pause in his mischievous thoughts of redecoration. 
  * “I think the house is haunted.”
  * He grew curious so he drifted up into the nearest cupboard to listen closer. There were the clinks of china- they must be having breakfast. 
  * “Patton, that’s ridiculous-”
  * “You guys said that when I first talked about Virgil, didn’t you?”
  * “Can you not?” Ah, the vampire. 
  * “Sorry kiddo. But I swear, weird things have been happening for ages! The picture frames, the books all flipped upside-down-” He remembered that one. It had taken ages, but was so worth it when the merman had flipped out. 
  * Dee chucked from inside his cupboard. This was fantastic- none of the other owners had acknowledged his existence, and he had been way less subtle. 
  * “Did you hear that?”
  * “Hear what?” Curse the Vampire’s good hearing! He thought he had been rather quiet! He sunk down through the floor to figure a plan. 
  * “Huh. Seemed to have been nothing. Hey, you’re talking about a ghost so much- want me to dig out my ouija board? We can have a movie night.”
  * “MOVIE NIGHT!”
  * “Okay, Romano’s on board. Lo?”
  * “I could use a break. Besides, I do wish to sate my curiosity.”
  * This was an excellent chance to be a little shit… well how could he pass that up?
  * “I guess so… it’s a plan. Meet down here at eight and start with a movie?”
  * “I wish to get to sleep at a reasonable time. Perhaps start with the superstitions before you go for a Disney Marathon.”
  * “Okie dokie! Eight it is!”
  * Dee smiled before grabbing a book from Logan’s room to read in the meantime. The Murder of Roger Akroyd. He had heard that it was good, so why not give it a try? If he hated it he could insult the merman about it later. 
  * He settled down into the basement to read, making sure the door was locked. He couldn’t have them trespass in his home, now could he?



  
  


  * Dee looked up as he heard the clock strike eight. Showtime. He drifted closer to the floorboards. 
  * “Do you really think this will work?”
  * “Doubtful, but there still could be a possibility. I have majorly edited my list of what is real ever since I moved in with you all.”
  * “Are we ready?”
  * “I have the board. Light the candles, would you?”
  * Dee willed himself invisible and floated up to hover over their heads. He really should do this more often. 
  * “Spirit, spirit, are you there?”
  * “Come on Ro, don’t be boring.”
  * “Ugh, fine. Is there anyone here?”
  * Dee reached down and moved it to NO, fighting back his giggles.
  * “NO?!”
  * “Preposterous. There has to have been someone here to move that.”
  * “None of you moved it, right?”
  * “Spirit, do you have a name?”
  * He moved it to YES. There was a groan and a chortle. “He means what is your name. Jeeze Ro, don’t leave loopholes.”
  * He moved it to spell D-E-C-E-I-T.  There was a ‘huh.’
  * “Man, your parents really must have hated you.” He couldn’t hold back laughter. 
  * “Oh, so you can talk! Why are we using this stupid thing?” The vampire threw the plastic chip across the room. 
  * “Virgil!”
  * He flipped down to sit in the empty spot. *Maybe I want to keep myself conspicuous. Did you ever think of that vampire?*
  * “Ooh, burn. Did you think of this moment when you encased my phone in jello?”
  * He was proud of that. Man, he had pulled some real pranks in his life. Well, death, well- whatever. This could easily get confusing. 
  * *Not particularly. You are the first owners of this house to acknowledge me after all.*
  * “That must be boring.”
  * “Roman!”
  * “What? He’s a creepy cookie!”
  * Dee simply reached over and flicked his finger. The popcorn bowl flew over and dumped itself over the kitsune’s head. Patton gasped. “DECEIT!”
  * He was silent. If only he stayed quiet…
  * “We can see you you know.” Well dang. He snapped his fingers. 
  * *Well that was disappointing. Oh well-*
  * And he suddenly had a person sticking through his torso. His hand just dropped in shock. Virgil started cackling.
  * “Oh my god your face! HAHAHAHAHA!”
  * He sunk through the floor. There was a silence. 
  * “Fine, be like that.”
  * Deceit just scoffed and picked up his book. 




	6. Tomathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah.

Tomathy arrives

 

  * “Come on guys! We have another person moving in! Logan, put down the Crofters- Virgil, stop poking Roman with that pencil- Deceit, I swear we’ll keep out of the basement if you keep still just for today!” 
  * There was a knock on the door and Virgil jumped, the pen flying off into the unknown. Patton clapped his hands and went to the door to answer it. A pale man stepped in.
  * “Hello! You must be Thomas!”
  * A man looked in. “Uh- yeah, I am. You are…”
  * “Patton! Patton Moralez! The one over there with the jam is Logan Teleca, the one in purple is Virgil Banreckson, and the one on his phone is Roman Prince! It’s great to meet you- want a cookie?”
  * “Uh- Sure! Let me just put down my stuff-”
  * “Third bedroom to the right.” Virgil stood up. “I’ll show you. You do not want to accidentally walk into mine.”
  * “Yeah, his is like a landfill met a thrift shop.”
  * “Oh, like yours isn’t just a Sephora Romano. It’s right down here.” Virgil led him off. 
  * “Yours is Hot Topic!” Roman called after him. There was just the sound of Logan’s spoon in his jelly jar. 
  * Deceit popped up from the ground. *He seems nice. Suspicious...* He slowly sunk through the ground just in time to avoid the two who returned. 
  * “Wow, that is a massive bed. I’m sure I’ll become intimately familiar soon enough. Do you guys have a backyard? I mean I see a slider door-”
  * Patton perked up. “A backyard? Yeah! I can clue you in on some of the weird stuff while out there!”
  * “Weird stuff-?”
  * “Oh, you know- allergies, random quirks, that kind of thing! Let’s go see the backyard!”
  * Virgil smirked at him through the glass and helped himself to a cookie. 
  * While they were busy talking they met in the living room. 
  * “Do you trust him?”
  * “He’s likely figure it out anyway. We could just tell him-”
  * “What?! No! He’ll run away screaming!”
  * *Well I suggest we wait a day or two until movie night and tell him then.* 
  * They blinked at the head coming through the floorboards. 
  * “That’s actually a good idea.”
  * “Gee, thanks.~” Roman’s ears perked up slightly and he waved the ghost down a second before they came back inside. 
  * “That is one nice backyard. Honestly though- I have my share of weird things. It’s cool. Anyone mind if I make some jello?”
  * “Jello? Certainly! What flavor?”
  * “Blood.” There was an awkward pause. Thomas laughed. “Kidding, kidding. It’s cherry. Tomorrow I’ll be making the blood one.” 
  * There was a bit of nervous laughter. 
  * “Well that’s nice! I love jello. Another cookie? I guess I made too many…”
  * “No such thing Padre!” Roman skipped over and grabbed two, tossing one to Virgil. Somehow it didn’t break. 
  * “Romano, that could have been a massive waste of cookies.”
  * Roman just shrugged. “ _C’est la vie_.” 
  * Virgil snickered at that and bit down on the cookie. Thomas worked on the jello. He must really like jello.



 

Thomathy is discovered

 

  * Movie night.
  * Everyone is crowded on the couch, including Thomas, who’s eating jello with marshmallows. 
  * “You really like jello.” Virgil observed.
  * Thomas shrugged. “Better than craving something else I say. Jello is delicious.” 
  * Virgil had to agree to that. He was really starting to hate grape gatorade instead of blood. 
  * The movie was Monster’s Inc, a household favourite. 
  * They had just gotten to the part where Boo was being chased by Randall when Thomas stood up and walked away. Roman paused the movie. 
  * “You okay Thomas?”
  * “Yeah- just… cravings. Watch the rest without me.” Virgil stood up and knocked the floor. Deceit rose up.
  * “I’m going to go help him. Feel free to watch if you want while we’re gone.”
  * *Cool.* Deceit floated over the back of the couch. Virgil disappeared down to Thomas’s room. He gave a knock. 
  * “You okay Thomas?”
  * There was a groan. “Go away- please. I don’t want to-”
  * Ah. He must be in a similar situation. “Thomas, I’m sorry, but I’m coming in.”
  * “What?! NO!”
  * Too late. He kicked open the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him. Thomas sat on his bed, something red in his hands. 
  * “Aw, Thomas, you were trying so hard!” He was completely unfazed. Actually, it looked pretty good, but he could resist.
  * “Wait- what? You’re not completely freaked out or anything?! I’m a zombie dude. I could kill you. I mean- I don’t want to kill you but jello only lasts so long.”
  * Virgil leaned against the wall. “Nah. Honestly, I’m surprised that helped for so long. You put meat flavoring in there or something? I knew a guy in ‘90 who used to eat raw turkeys. Doesn’t faze me.”
  * “What the- how?! Holy shit-”
  * “Better not let Pat catch you saying that. Actually- here. Let me grab something from my room. Might help.” He jogged over to his room. Where was it… aha.
  * He ran back holding a small vial. “Here.” He tossed it. 
  * “What is this?”
  * “Crazy-strong resistance potion. Usually used for werewolves, but seen to have a similar effect on zombies. Keep eating your jello and you should be fine as long as you have a little bit every month or so.”
  * “Where did you get this?” He held it fervently.
  * “Oh, there’s a black market for these things. Go this… ten years ago? More? I dunno.”
  * “Wait- does that mean that you’re-”
  * “Guess.”
  * “A werewolf?”
  * “Nah. Patton did tell you about my allergies?”
  * “No?”
  * “I’m a vampire. It’s why I’m so pale and crud. Those work on us too.” He dug into his pocket and put a silver chewable in his mouth. “I made this one into a chewable. Keeps me from randomly biting people. That should too.”
  * “Do the others know?”
  * “Hah! Do the others know. Logan’s a merman, Roman’s a kitsune, and Patton’s a higher demon. We have a poltergeist in the basement. He’s chill when he isn’t making the pictures crooked.”
  * “What?”
  * “Do you want me to say it again?”
  * “No- I was just in shock. How can Patton be a demon? He’s so nice!”
  * “Most higher demons used to be angels ya know. You wanna come back out? Take a swig of that and you should be fine. I can always get you more.”
  * “Oh. Thank you.” He drank some and made a surprised face. “Tastes kinda like blood.”
  * “Yep. Has that effect. I made mine taste like chocolate to be honest. You coming out Sally?”
  * “Sally? Was that a Nightmare Before Christmas Reference?”
  * “Honestly? Just assume yes.”
  * “Okay then.” 
  * They walked out. “Everything okay?”
  * “Yep.”
  * “Guys- I’m so sorry! It’s just that I’m a zombie and-”
  * “Zombie? Fascinating.”
  * “Cool.”
  * *Called it.* 
  * Thomas screamed. Deceit laughed. *Sup. I’m Deceit. Nice to meet ya Robbie.*
  * “It’s Thomas.”
  * *I know what I said.*
  * This was going to be a long night. 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I will probably add quite a bit to this universe (you know, adding Remy and stuff and junk as a new book) but I think that's it for this one! Thank you for reading! Have a great day!


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